FRIENDSHIP level 3

By Bill Gothard


LEVEL 3: close friendship and fellowship

* This level is based on mutual goals.

* This level allows you the freedom to suggest mutual projects toward reaching life’s goals.

ACCOMPANYING RESPONSIBILITIES include…

5. You must visualize achievement in each other’s life.

6. You must be able to discern and develop appropriate projects to gain this achievement.

DEVELOPING LEVELS OF FRIENDSHIPS

The following are a few basic tips to keep you on the right track when meeting new people or when developing friendships:

C. Close Friendship

1. See potential achievement in his life.
2. Discover and discuss the specific goals he has.
3. Assume a personal responsibility for the development of her goals.
4. Discern the conflicts which hinder the development of these goals.
5. Be creative in designing projects which would help him achieve these goals.
6. Learn how to build his interest for the projects you have developed for her.
7. Be committed to faithfulness, loyalty and availability.

VISUALIZING CHARACTER ACHIEVEMENT

The third level of friendship involves the responsibility of visualizing character achievement for your friend and then designing practical projects to reach those goals with her.

A. Overcoming Fear Of Failure

When most teenagers are asked, “What do you plan to do when you get all through school?” the normal inward response is one of fear. “Will I find my place in life?” “Will I get into the right job?” “Will I be happy and successful?”

For this reason they will usually be immediately interested when a friend says to them, “Do you know what work you’d be good in?” or, “You’d make an excellent - (teacher, pastor, etc).”

B. Visualizing Vocational Direction

I have met many adults with many different and interesting occupations. And one of the questions I often ask them is, “In addition to being called by God’s Spirit, what human motivation inspired you to choose this particular vocation?” Most of these people immediately recalled a person who had said to them in youth, “You’d make an excellent minister,” or “You’d be a great school teacher,” or “I can totally see you as a physical trainer!”

C. Instilling A Sense Of Destiny

One of the first and most essential tasks of a parent is to instill a sense of spiritual destiny in each child. God made each of us for an important purpose, and it is the wise parent or friend who can emphasize this fact. A statement by John Wesley’s mother did this for him when he was saved from death in a fire: “Thou art a brand plucked from the burning. God must have some special purpose for you to perform.”

D. Visualizing Character Achievement

Even more vital than visualizing vocational direction is the ability to visualize character development. One of the first ways to do this is to know the character meanings of names. Most people are quite interested and pleased if you know what the meaning of their name is and can translate it into character. For example, Wayne means, “Burden Bearer.” Cynthia means
“Reflector of Light.”

DESIGNING CHARACTER PROJECTS

By picturing achievement for a close friend we prepare the way to design projects with her in order to reach that which we picture. Scripture commands us to “Consider one another to provoke unto love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24). As genuine Christians we are to be unique in that we are “zealous of good works” (Titus 2:14).

A. Projects Must Be Practical, Measurable And Achievable

A good project is the result of much careful thought. It must be quickly recognized by your friend as something he would want to do and something that would help him fulfill the goals he has already decided to reach. The project must not be too big for him to accomplish in a given period of time and he must be able to measure the progress he is making on the project.

B. Projects Should Be Designed To Strengthen Character Qualities

A young boy was easily led by his friends to do things that were wrong. He needed to develop the character qualities of discernment and courage to stand alone. He was given the project of reorganizing the book of Proverbs around all the types of people in it, such as, a fool, a strange woman, a slothful man, a scorner, etc. After a very short time this boy began discerning the types of attitudes his friends were revealing and was able to withstand their promptings to do evil.

C. Projects Are The Basis For Wise Leadership

Making wise use of free time is a mark of maturity. Helping others make wise use of their free time is a mark of leadership. The third level of friendship carries with it the opportunity and responsibility to design projects for one another which will help each one come closer to the Lord.

Challenging a friend to memorize a passage of Scripture together or helping a needy widow fix her home would be examples of wise projects. Some excellent sections to memorize are 1 Corinthians 13 on genuine love and Colossians 3, 1 Thessalonians 4, and Galatians 5, which emphasize moral purity.

EVALUATING PRESENT FRIENDSHIPS

Most teenagers don’t realize why it is true that in order to have the right friends, we must be willing to have the right enemies. God warns “…whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God” (James 4:4).

A. What happens when a wrong friendship is continued? We lose many potential friends for the following reasons:

* Christians will think…

“He spends so much time with his friend, he wouldn’t have time for us.”

“We don’t want to associate with his close friend.”

* Non-Christian’s will think…

“His close friend is immoral. He must do the same things…”

“His close friend thinks we’re too spiritual. He must think so too…”

* God says…

“If anyone comes to you and does not bring this doctrine, do not receive him into your house nor greet him” (2 John 1:10).

“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” (Amos 3:3).

“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial (Satan)? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: ‘I will dwell in them And walk among them. I will be their God, And they shall be My people. Therefore Come out from among them And be separate,’ says the Lord. ‘Do not touch what is unclean, And I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, And you shall be My sons and daughters,’ Says the LORD Almighty” (2 Corinthians 6:14-18).

Now, these verses are not saying that we cannot talk to non-believers or be kind to them. If we don’t talk to them, how will we share the Gospel with them? Rather, these verses are saying that we should not move past the “acquaintance level” of friendship with them. And we should definitely never move past the “casual level” with a non-believer. We must reserve those “close” and “intimate” friendships for those who are in the Faith.

B. Steps to apply to a questionable close friendship

1. Find out if he ever has experienced a spiritual re-birth and if he has dedicated his life to the lordship of Jesus Christ.

2. Design character-building projects which will assist both of you to come closer to the Lord. If she decides not to do these with you, it will be she that leaves you, rather than you leaving her.
“They shall separate you from their company” (Luke 6:22). “They went out from us, but they were not of us, for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us” (1 John 2:19).

C. Basic commitments for friendships:

1. Purpose that those who reject Jesus Christ must also reject you (for close or intimate friendships), and those who love Jesus Christ should also love you.

2. Purpose to verbally explain your relationship to Jesus Christ whenever you are asked to compromise your standards.

3. Purpose to let God choose your friends on the basis of their needs and their desire for God’s help through your life.

CONTINUED IN THE NEXT BLOG…