FRIENDSHIP level 4

By Bill Gothard


LEVEL 4: intimate friendship and fellowship

* This level is based on commitment to the development of each other’s character.

* This level allows you the freedom to correct each other.

7. You must have open honesty with discretion.

8. You must be able to discern basic causes of character deficiencies and suggest solutions.

DEVELOPING LEVELS OF FRIENDSHIPS

The following are a few basic tips to keep you on the right track when meeting new people or when developing friendships:

D. Intimate Friendship

1. Learn how to give comfort to him through his trials and sorrows.
2. Assume personal responsibility for her reputation.
3. Be sensitive to traits and attitudes which need improvement in yourself and her.
4. Discern basic causes of character deficiencies.
5. Build interest for correction of these deficiencies. Ask him to tell you about your faults.
6. Search the Scriptures for keys to a solution.
7. Be committed to faithfulness, loyalty and availability.

CORRECTING “BLIND SPOTS”

EXAMPLE:

* One day a counselor listened to a young couple arguing. The wife was accusing her husband of flirting with other girls. He was vigorously denying it. After the counselor talked with the husband, he could see what the problem was. He had a “blind spot” and was not aware of it.

1. You see, God has a “norm” or standard of behavior for each one of us in every area of our lives. These standards include things such as morality, obedience, gratefulness, humility, etc.

2. Well, during high school, the husband greatly violated God’s norm in his moral life. In other words, the husband was taking part in sexual acts outside of marriage, therefore, he was going against God’s rules.

3. After high school, the husband saw the error in his ways and repented of his immoral life and purposed to live a godly life instead. Now that he was following God morally, he could look back on what he used to be and be encouraged with his improvement.

“BLINDSPOT”

He couldn’t see his “blind spot” because his focus was on what he used to be rather than on what he should be. He was so focused on what little improvement he had made in comparison to his past, that a little flirtation seemed completely benign to him.

Every one of us has blind spots, and it is essential that we have various intimate friends who have the freedom to tell us what they are. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6). “Iron sharpened iron; so a man sharpened the countenance of his friend” (Proverbs 27:17).

GIVING DIRECTION WITHOUT JUDGING

At what point does a sincere concern for another person become a judgment of him? How does judgment differ from discernment? Here are important steps of comparison:

JUDGMENT: Romans 2:1-3

Krino - to give a verdict (with no intention of personal involvement) Matthew 7:1; Romans 4:13

1. Judgment accepts hearsay at face value and forms opinions of motives on a few known factors. “The simple believeth every word: but the prudent man looks well to his going” (Proverbs 14:15).

2. Judgment openly shares conclusions with those not related to the solution of the problem. “He that answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame unto him” (Proverbs 18:13).

3. Judging avoids personal self-evaluation by projecting hostility toward the offender and his offense.

4. Judgment has not yet overcome the same personal problem.

5. Judgment fails to differentiate between the sin and the sinner and, therefore, reflects a rejection of both.

6. Judgment tells a person where he has been wrong without providing direction for a solution.

7. Judgment reminds God of the shortcomings of the offender.

DISCERNMENT

Anakrino - to distinguish (1 Corinthians 4:3)

Diakrino - to investigate (1 Corinthians 11:31; 14:29)

1. Discernment asks questions until all important factors are understood. “…the honor of kings is to search out a matter” (Proverbs 25:2).

2. Discernment studies all important factors in order to discover root causes for the present problem. “…he shall not judge after the sight of his eyes, neither reprove after the hearing of his
ears” (Isaiah 11:3).

3. Discernment looks for a comparable problem in personal experience. (2 Corinthians 1:4)

4. Discernment carefully reviews the steps taken to overcome a similar problem.

5. Discernment accepts the offender as he is and waits for the right opportunity to approach the problem.

6. Discernment gains the confidence of the one in need and then shares the steps taken to overcome a similar problem.

7. Discernment assumes the responsibility for restoration. “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted” (Galatians 6:1).

SUMMARY:

Building close and intimate friendships is very important for Christians. Without good and godly friends, it becomes a whole lot harder for us to keep the Faith. However, if we surround ourselves with two or three close friends, our load is lightened and it is easier for us to withstand the evils of this world.

My prayer for you is that God will bring to you at least two intimate friends that can assist you and that you can assist in the walk with Christ. Together we can strengthen each other. Together we can move forward and withstand the wicked sins that so often try to trip us up.

So, pick and choose your friends wisely. Happy hunting!

"Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends” (John 15:13).

(End of series)