FRIENDSHIP level 1

By Bill Gothard


Learning how to pick and choose your friends properly is very important. If you are unable to pick proper friends, there is no way on earth you are going to be able pick the proper marriage partner. Doubly, if you are unable to discern between a wise friend and a foolish one, you will have great trouble growing spiritually.

Knowing how to detect and terminate unwholesome friendships and learning how to develop genuine friendships are two of the most important skills we must have for lasting happiness.
Unfortunately, many fail to achieve meaningful friendships because they do not have a clear understanding of the levels of friendship. Because of this, many of their friendships fail or do not grow into what they should be. What needs to be understood is that there are specific freedoms and responsibilities on each level of friendship.

LEVEL 1: acquaintance

* The “acquaintance” level is based on occasional contact. You don’t see this particular person except for every once in awhile.

* In this level, you have freedom to ask general questions: Opinions, ideas, wishes and goals.

ACCOMPANY RESPONSIBILITIES include…

1. We are to view each acquaintance as a “divine appointment.”

2. We are to design appropriate general questions for new acquaintances.

DEVELOPING LEVELS OF FRIENDSHIPS

The following are a few basic tips to keep you on the right track when meeting new people or when developing friendships:

A. Acquaintance

1. Be alert to each new person around you.
2. Have a cheerful, friendly countenance - smile.
3. Learn and remember his name.
4. Greet her by her name.
5. Ask him appropriate questions which reflect interest and acceptance.
6. Be a good listener.
7. Remind yourself of the interest God has for him.

VIEWING ACQUAINTANCES AS “DIVINE APPOINTMENTS”

A “divine appointment” involves two individuals whom God created and whom He loves meeting each other with potential benefit to each other. In order to have the right attitudes toward each one we meet, it is important to have the following questions in the back of our mind:

1. What are God’s purposes in her life? What responsibilities and opportunities has God given to him?
2. How far has she come? Has he achieved what he could have?
3. What has hindered God? Bitterness, temporal values, or moral impurity?
4. How can I cooperate with God? Can I visualize achievement for him and assist in removing root problems?
5. What can I learn from her?

Whomever we meet, we can be confident that God created that other person and loves them. There is also a reason for meeting every person we come in contact with. God has a plan. It is destiny.

Many friendships are built or destroyed at the first meeting. The reason for this is that each person is very aware of the attitudes which the other one is projecting.

* WRONG ATTITUDES:

Fear: Will he accept me?
Selfishness: How will I gain from this friendship?

* RIGHT ATTITUDES:

Worth: He is important to God.
Interest: I want to learn from this friendship.
Acceptance: I want to help her reach God’s potential for her life.

DESIGNING APPROPRIATE GENERAL QUESTIONS

Questions are to friendships what food is to living. It is both practical and advisable that we take time to design good questions ahead of time which can be used when we are introduced to new people. By doing this, we gain a greater measure of self-confidence and are able to listen more carefully to what the other person is saying.

AREAS OF GENERAL QUESTIONS: Information that is public knowledge…

* FAMILY

1. How many brothers and sisters do you have in your family?
2. Which number child are you in your family?
3. In what type of work is your father?
4. Do you know what the meaning of your name is?
5. Have you lived in quite a few different places?
6. Do you know much about your family heritage?

* SCHOOL

1. What school do (or did) you attend?
2. In what course are (or were) you majoring?
3. What is (or was) your favorite subject?

* CHURCH

1. What church do you attend?
2. How long have you been connected with this church?
3. Does your whole family belong to this church?

* INTERESTS

1. What sports do you enjoy?
2. What are some of the hobbies you have?
3. Do you play any musical instruments?
4. What are some of the organizations to which you belong?

CONTINUED IN THE NEXT BLOG…